Dear Ramius...

Dear Ramius,

I know you're a cat, and that means you're nocturnal. I respect that. There are a couple of things I think we should discuss though. You are not the President, the Queen of England, or Batman, and therefore, do not have a theme song. For this reason, it isn't necessary to announce yourself when you walk into the bedroom at 2:45 AM. There has never been a band in the corner, just waiting to play your theme song when you walk in. Its 2:45 AM, we just don't care that much that you walked into the room. Do it on roller skates with a flaming baton and we'll talk.

Also, I know that you feel Caleb's naptime/bedtime are events to be celebrated. I understand this. There are days when I celebrate these things. I have found however, through careful observation, that standing outside his door and meowing at the top of your lungs is not the best way to really appreciate the fact that he's asleep. Trust me on this one.

Finally, don't try to tell me that when you yell at me when I'm in the shower you are trying to conserve water. We both know you just want to get into the shower and watch the drips slide down the walls. Overall, you're doing a great job being a cat. The sofa has never been held down so well and as for scaring off the elephants, I've never seen one in our neighborhood. Keep up the good work! Thank you for your time, you can go back to sleep now.

Love, Melanie

P.S. Thanks for letting us sleep in your bed!