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Friday, October 05, 2007

A Public Safety Announcement from Ramius

Mommy has been very busy the last couple of days and when I mentioned that I was concerned about the following issue, she suggested I take over the blog today. Of course, it's not like I need her permission to take over the blog. It's my blog, I just let her make most of the entries. Just like it's my house, my sofa, and my king size bed. I just share with the lesser human types. Because that's the kind of cat I am. Yep, I'm a giver.

This issue I would like to discuss with you today is far more sinister than the yellow haired terror you all know as Finn. (By the way, we have a yellow dog free to a good home, or even just a home, or pretty much anyone who's interested.) Today's concern is actually for your own safety.

For years now the canine species has allowed itself to be dressed in clothing and "accessorized." That's fine. They look stupid anyway. A pink tutu can only help. The upcoming human holiday Halloween is like a giant free for all with the dressing up of the dog types. Dogs that don't usually wear clothes on a daily basis will put on Yoda suits, bumblebee costumes, and other humiliating gear. This year however, Target (a human store) is marketing something called "Cat Hats." That's right. They are suggesting that we felines need to dress up for a human holiday. Take a moment to sit down if you need to. I was so shocked when I first discovered this I had to sleep for 2 days.

First of all, we are cats. The superior species of this planet. We will not be dressed up and dragged into some silly human holiday at the whim of those who control the tuna. Secondly, if we choose to participate in the human silliness, all we have to do is arch our backs, puff up and make scary noises. WE ARE CATS! We can do Halloween (on a purely voluntary basis only of course) without demeaning ourselves with these so called "Cat Hats."

If you are lucky enough to be allowed to live with a cat, DO NOT, under any circumstances attempt to place one of these "Cat Hats" on the cat who so graciously allows you to live with him. Loss of limb, eyes, and even your life could result from such human arrogance. Unless you dream of being known hereafter as One Armed Sally or Decapitated Dana, just leave the "Cat Hats" at the store and let Target learn their lesson from this unfortunate marketing attempt. Don't worry, they won't take a loss. They'll just repackage them as hats for the smaller dog things.

You have been warned. Oh, and by the way, tuna treats make lovely handouts for trick or treaters. I'm just saying.



Anonymous Kirsten said...

Thanks Ramius! The cats I live with are greatly appreciative of your PSA :)

10:15 AM  
Blogger Marianne said...

Duly noted, Dude.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Bridget said...

Ramius, you are an excellent writer - between that and your serious/threatening expression, I can't imagine that anyone will ignore your warning!

11:25 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Thank you for the warning, Ramius. I suppose I could have gotten the same information from Miss Suzy, but her warnings tend to come with punctures, so this way is better.

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Ramius, your advice is well taken, and you should write more often. You have a knack at it!

11:36 AM  
Anonymous jessica said...

Funny! I don't think my cat would enjoy being dressed up either!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Zoie said...

Dear Ramius,

Please be afraid. My name is Zoie and I was recently dressed in a sweater made for me by my food slave's room mate. Torturous pictures were then published by said roommate on her blog. Run, Ramius, run!

Your fellow superior,

1:03 PM  
Blogger Eve said...


Please be advised that some humans aren't keeping their proper place and are doing this to cats!


My human is NAYY, just loves to check it. Luckily, my humans are well trained and would never do that me.

Grey, aka the Plumy Princess

5:44 PM  
Blogger Gail R said...

Love that. My last cat reminded me of the treat thing on an hourly basis as well. Since she was handicapped late in life, (lost a leg at age 10), she won, most of the time. She also disliked the idea of clothing being appropriate for one such as she. Royalty needs no additional adornment.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous the boogeyman's wife said...

awesome post! ramius has a way with words.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Debi said...

Very eloquent Ramius. Pumpkin says you can speak for him anyday!

12:43 AM  
Blogger gwtreece said...

Ramius, You are the coolest cat ever.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous alynxia said...

On behalf of cats everywhere we wish to thank you for your warning. Although we felines in Canada are not threatened by the Target chain, we are sure that Giant Tiger or some other like establishment will try to pull something similar on our unsuspecting humans.

Tomi and Maverick

(as dictated to Alynxia)

9:28 PM  
Anonymous Katimerah said...

Perfectly delightful! Thanks for ending my evening with a smile.

9:52 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Hilarious entry! Unfortunately, it's to late in this household..


(Socrates the cat, in his lion cat hat from Target. I got him a necktie tonight. :-D)

12:33 AM  
Blogger Rhonda the Stitchingnut said...

OMG, I have tears in my eyes from laughing. I love hearing from the all wise, Ramius and will keep his warning in mind. Oh what some humans will do to dogs, they should never even try to get away with on a Cat.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Redtabby said...

I hear you, Ramius. My human knits a lot, and it seems like every other day I hear her say stuff like, "Oh, wouldn't Nicky look ADORABLE in this? " or "Are you sure you wouldn't just LOVE this SWEET little sweater/hat/whatever?" Such remarks have been issued with alarming frequency ever since she discovered something called Ravelry.

I love her; she's been great to live with for the past 10 years, but all this talk about clothes makes me nervous. Keep up the good work in presenting the feline POV.

Your friend,

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister's dog, Mattie, wears the tutu I bought her with great pride! My own dogs won't wear costumes, but Mattie actually prances when she wears the tutu.

And Ramius, Finn can come live with me whenever you can talk your mother into bringing him down!

: ) Aunt Mindy

9:20 AM  
Blogger Connie Peterson said...

Ramius, I am listening. I give my human love when I want, bites when I want and demand treats at odd times to keep her on her toes. If she even thinks about clothing for me, I will take over the bed and bite her leg in the middle of the night several nights in a row (or more, if I feel like it) in response. And I KNOW what she is thinking at all time. Let her dress up that funny short-legged dog she cuddles more than me. Let her dress up that ugly thing that lives outside that tries to move inside. She says she is cat, but I know better - she acts too much like dog to satisfy me. Let her come in one more time and she is mouse-bait!

My human calls me "Lucky" - I have not told her my true name... let her keep guessing!! A bite on the hand tells her when she is wrong!

7:24 PM  

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