Maximus

 

I have found the best place in the house to keep up with my family - the top of the kitchen counters, just below the ceiling!  Up here I can make sure they are all doing what they're supposed to and they can't get to me very well.  Mommy says the ceiling in the kitchen in 9 feet tall and there's just enough room for me to get up here.  Then I can race back and forth along the cabinets.  I've also been watching Mommy cook and I've helped with putting away clean dishes.  Mommy says it's not really helpful to sit up here and swat at her and try to see what's in all the cabinets, but I'm not sure that she understands the meaning of helpful as it applies to cats.

For instance, last night Logan was drinking water.  I thought he was making too much noise so I attacked him.  From under his water bowl.  On the neck.  He stopped drinking and making so much noise.  Also, my humans don't understand the importance of the pantry.  It's great and I love it in there.  They should leave me alone and let me play there.  Mommy says I shouldn't attack the food so much, but she also thinks there's a passage to Narnia in there.  I will neither confirm nor deny any passages to Narnia or elsewhere, but I've been retraining Mommy to stay out of the pantry.  This morning I hid in the pantry and when she opened the door to feed Logan, I jumped at her - with all of my legs spread out and I jumped about 2 feet in the air.  I was scary.  I hope she learned her lesson, but I'm not sure she was properly frightened - I might have used that move too much.  On the other hand, if she wouldn't wear such ridiculous pajama pants, I wouldn't have to attack her so much.

Caleb comes home every afternoon and gets these weird stick things and makes marks on papers with them.  I've found that it's much more fun for me to steal the stick things when Caleb sets them down.  Also, I like to sit on the papers he's using.  He tries to move me, but I just roll over and smack at him with my paws which makes him giggle.  The stick things and the paper don't ever make him giggle.

My Daddy is still the only one in the house who is properly trained for cats.  He doesn't need anywhere near as much attacking as the others do, so I mostly ride around on his shoulders and purr at him.  Also, he's really warm, so I sleep next to him at night.  If only he could help me train Mommy, Caleb and Logan we could all have a lovely time playing with me!

So you see, I really am quite helpful.  I keep things quiet, I might or might not have found a passage to Narnia, I give fashion advice, and I'm more fun than homework.  I think that sounds very helpful actually!