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Friday, September 27, 2013

Max Has Something To Say

I believe my favorite chew toy Logan has already shared our big, family homeschooling news with you.  I think it's time that I clear up a few things.  This is the third week that Caleb has been home schooled and I have decided to take a more active role in it.  The first week, I noticed that he was hanging around during the day and I just ignored it, hoping things would go back to the way they were.  The second week I started paying attention.  I mean, if things like this are going to happen during your naptime in your own home, you need to make sure the humans are doing it right.  After all, if Caleb isn't taught properly, it could affect his whole life.  I have plans for his bedroom.  That boy is going to college!

Anyway, last week I paid attention to what Mommy was teaching him.  I also assessed his current skill set to determine what he needs to know to be able to survive as an adult.  This week, I have taken part in the homeschooling every day.  I have determined that he is not yet ready to go out into the world on his own.  His hunting skills are sadly lacking, I mean I don't think this boy could catch and eat a three legged grasshopper.  I have yet to see him take a proper tongue bath, and I've been part of this family for almost two years. (Don't you humans know anything about hygiene?)  His leaping skills are absolutely non existent.  There is no way this kid could get from the kitchen counter to the top of the refrigerator in a single bound, and definitely not before Mommy yells at him for standing on the kitchen counter.  It is clear to me, that if he is to survive in the wild, he will need to learn additional skills from me - cat skills. So this week, every day, as Mommy "teaches" him, I educate him.

During math, when he is typing his answers into the computer, I walk across the keyboard and track pad.  This will sharpen his reflexes and force him to become quicker.  Khan Academy might make him work on multiplying with decimals, but I'm teaching him life skills here.
When Mommy gives him spelling and vocabulary words, I knock them off the table and run off with some of them, or do I?  I'm speeding up his reaction time and prey response times.  Carnivore - there's a vocabulary word for you!

When they work on English, I don't have to assist that much, but then they are both good at making up sentences about me and how wonderful I am.  I really can't improve upon that too much. (But I'll give kitty bonus points if you can find the prepositional phrase and skeleton of the previous sentence.)  Writing assignments are also interesting to me.  First of all, they involve pencils (I love to steal pencils) and second, Caleb wrote about birds last week.  I'm hoping he writes about me this week, but I could accept an ode to bacon as well.

By the time they get to History in mid afternoon, I'm pretty tired.  After all, I've been teaching Caleb since morning at this point.  Fortunately, History involves a lot of reading.  Reading means Caleb wants to curl up with a blanket.  I'm training him to curl into cat approved positions so that I can crawl under the blanket and take a nap.  I don't mind how many books he uses or how many notes he takes as long as he sits still so my nap isn't disturbed.  I overheard them discussing some ancient culture with a cat goddess or something the other day - I'll have to get some more details on that one.
There are other subjects that Mommy is teaching him and I'm beginning to think Mommy is doing some of them after I fall asleep, on purpose.  Unfortunately, sharing the immense amount of knowledge I possess is exhausting and I have to sleep sometimes.

I know sometimes it's frustrating to Mommy that I know so much while she is blathering on about silly things like "Scientific Method," but I know that she's also impressed that I care this much about Caleb's future to ensure he has the tools he needs to move out so I can turn his room into the kitty paradise it was meant to be grow into a responsible, thinking adult. That is why yesterday, during lunch, I demonstrated the proper four legged disemboweling method on a napkin.  You know the one, front legs wrapped around the prey to restrain it, back legs kicking rapidly with claws extended, really a nice evisceration technique for everyone to know, perfect for any social occasion.  Let me tell you, that napkin won't be causing any more trouble around here!  Thanks to my quick thinking and selfless nature, Caleb's education will also be saved and he will grow to become a good and wise man.  In his own house.



Anonymous =Tamar said...

He can't get from the kitchen counter to the top of the refrigerator in a single bound? Good heavens, I used to do it routinely.

10:10 PM  

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